The Monday Memo: How to Change Other People

Have you ever known someone who, when you look at the work they do or how they live, makes you thing, “Man, they could do or be so much more if they would only… (fill in your favorite fix-it message here)!” Maybe it is a team member at the office, a friend, a child or niece or nephew…it’s frustrating isn’t it, to see their potential and how they are allowing it to wither and die. Or maybe it’s worse than that, they have the talent but they are misdirecting it into “less desirable” pursuits!

As a business coach I’ve had the great fortune to be around many business owners, leaders, founders and entrepreneurs with great ideas and potential that never made it. For one of many reasons their idea was not able to overpower the most limiting Critical Performance Attribute of their business.

See, in spite of the title of this post, the truth is that we…YOU…cannot change another person. You can ask, you can lead, you can influence, you can guilt, and you can pressure…but at the end of the day the decision to change is up to them, not your.

In 2018 my son passed away. He was a few weeks shy of his 30th birthday when his lifestyle choices finally took their toll. In spite of our consistent prodding and pleading to make a change, he refused. For the last few years of his life my greatest worry was not that he would die, I believe I’d already come to terms with that. My greatest fear is that something would happen, he would die alone, and no one would know. His life did not end that way, in fact it ended surrounded by those that loved him most, and for that I’m thankful.

In all my searching for some kind of rationale in the story of his life, I came across this quote from Ghandi, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Typically you see this quote applied in the macro sense…changing the world…and there is definitely an application there, especially in today’s environment of social discord. But it also applies in the micro.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Mahatma Gandhi

We all live in our own little world, worlds that overlap with others. And it is at those intersections that we can make a difference. Hopefully, I can make a positive impact from time to time on the place where your world and mine intersect.

When you see that under-performing individual…the one with so much more potential than they are demonstrating… when you catch yourself wishing they would “step up,” instead ask yourself what YOU need to do to step up. Show them what it means to step up. Ask them to step up with you, and when they ask why, tell them it’s how you get ahead in life!

Whether they choose to step up with you or not isn’t up to you, but either way, you’ll be ahead…and that makes YOU a leader!


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Keep Moving

How will you know you’ve ‘made it’?

It’s a pretty common question, especially in entrepreneur and business owner circles. So common in fact that we don’t really pay attention to what the question assumes…namely, that there IS such a thing as making it!

Too many business owners, leaders, and high performing individuals assume that the promised land awaits if they just keep their head down and soldier on. Do you feel that way? What if that’s wrong?

In my coaching practice, I’ve had the opportunity to work with several business owners as they were making an exit from their company. All but one of them looked back on their time owning the company with a perspective of failure, or at least missed opportunities. “We never really made the big time” kind of thinking. It’s not until I remind them that they did manage to keep their family fed, clothed, housed, kids through college, employees employed, suppliers supplying…that it finally dawns on them that they’d been “making it” all along.

So instead of seeing today’s trials and challenges as failing, or as Sir Winston says, “Going through hell,” consider it par for the course. These are the things that keep out the weak and give the strong the opportunity to shine!

So yes, if you feel as though you’re going through hell, by all means, keep going. You certainly don’t want to camp out there. But also consider just how bad today’s “hell” is…maybe it’s not so bad after all.

If you are having difficulty seeing the value in the journey or you’re just feeling the weight of ‘failure’, DM me…I can help!

Enjoy the journey.

Will you choose to succeed?

Are you making the choice to win today…or just gonna sit back and let whatever happens…happen?

Just like our quote on Monday from MJ, you have to expect to win. Sounds a little like hubris or arrogance, right? But here’s the thing, if you don’t expect to win, then what are your expectations? That you’ll stumble into a happy little accident?

Now I know many people believe that they are not in control of their day, of their outcomes, and consequently their life. What do YOU believe?

The reality is that while we may have limited control over the circumstances presented to us each day (maybe), you do have 100% control over how you CHOOSE to respond to them.

And as our quote of the day from Tony Robbins points out, “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” Every choice you make, everyone, write one letter in the story of your life. Make sure you are writing the story you want to read!

Have a great Friday, rest & rejuvenate over the weekend and I’ll be back on Monday with more!

Why do you want THEIR life?

So why, exactly, are you comparing yourself and your life to someone else? Do you REALLY want THEIR life?

It’s pretty easy for us to look at someone else’s results and say, “Yeah, I want that!” But that’s only part of the story. You don’t know the in’s and out’s that it took for them to get there. You don’t know what they gave up to have what they have. But most importantly, YOU’RE NOT THEM! What motivated them to reach for this goal may not even be on your radar!

When you compare yourself to others you tend to compare the most negative version of yourself against an idealized version of them. When you do that, of course you’re going to come out on the short end of the stick!

But why are you worried about them in the first place? Why don’t you come up with your own idealized outcome and start working toward that! The great thing about the world we live in today is that you can literally dream up just about anything and make it your reality! Heck, Elon Musk wants to live on Mars… so he’s working on it! Will he achieve it? Who knows…and who cares! If he finds his joy doing his art trying to get to Mars, he’ll be a happy guy.

So what is YOUR Big Hairy Audacious Goal? What’s that one thing that you want more than anything and you’re reluctant to share with anyone else? That’s your BHAG, and if you have a need for comparison, compare yourself today to yourself yesterday and the progress you’ve made toward that BHAG!

Leave a comment, let me know what your BHAG is!

I Know Why You Haven’t Started Yet!

Yep, that’s right… I know why you haven’t started yet…and so do you!

You’ve convinced yourself that you’re doing the “responsible” thing by studying, gathering more information, and making sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed. Oh, and you just found another book or YouTube video about it that you need to read, then watch, then study the differences to figure out … I can’t even finish typing that sentence!

The reality is you’re afraid, but not afraid of failure. No, we all fail, every day. Sometimes in big, spectacular way but more often in small almost insignificant ways that have a funny way of training us!

No, you’re not afraid of failure… you’re afraid of the perceived ego shot that would go along with failure! PRIDE is keeping you from stepping out and playing your role in the universe! PRIDE!

“But Thom, you don’t understand…I have a lot to lose if I get this wrong.” I’m sure you do! In fact, that’s EXACTLY WHY you NEED to step out. Do it! Don’t jump in the baby end of the pool, hit that deep water that will challenge you. (Because it’s that challenge that makes the whole thing worth it…but that’s for another day!)

Stop letting your pride deprive the rest of us of the art your unique set of talents and gifts are intended to create! Your being selfish…stop it! Stop asking “What else do I need?” and start asking “What if I did!”

When you’re ready to get off the bench and make great things happen, DM me. I will help!

PS – Today’s quote comes to us from none other than THE @JockoWillink, “Stop researching every aspect of it and reading all about it and debating the pros and cons of it…Start doing it”

But What If You Could?

But what if you could?

Those are magical words…no matter what the obstacle, constraint, or impediment, those five magic words just sweep all that aside and give your mind the room and freedom it craves to imagine the possibilities!

Want to start your own business…but what if you could?

Want to create a non-profit to help communities in need…but what if you could?

Want to quit your job and live on a sandy beach somewhere…but what if you could?

What’s your “impossible dream”? Share it in the comments! I’d love to hear what you’re dreaming about doing…if you could!

Why Is This So Hard?

Have you ever caught yourself asking why things are so hard? Why can’t just one thing in your life be easy? What if it’s just perspective?

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.”

Jim Rohn

Whether your thing is baseball, video games, or cooking, there’s been a time when you really wanted to accomplish something big but the obstacles were just too great. Like learning to ride your bike. You master the tricycle then all of a sudden this “big kid” bike only has two wheels. When you look at it like that, it’s a hard thing to master…but bicycle racers have done it.

See, the reality is that you can learn to do just about anything and that learning is made easier by your perspective, your mindset! If you think it will be difficult bordering on the impossible, then it will be. If you think it will be easy after a little practice, again, it will be. It’s all in how you look at it.

So when you face a challenge, something that makes you think about quitting, before you declare the task impossible, check yourself. Ask what you can learn or practice more to become good enough to achieve the impossible!

Everything IS Possible!

You believe that your options are limited. Maybe you believe that the only choice you have is the one that’s already been made for you. You are wrong!

“Everything you can imagine is real.”

Pablo Picasso

The reality is that anything you can conceive with your mind, you can make a reality in your life…you just have to change the constraints! Want to fly private on your next vacation but can’t afford your own jet? No problem, rent one…take a dead-leg…

MAKE THE CHOICE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Choosing and then focusing on the outcome is the key. If this seems unrealistic to you, it’s because you are allowing yourself to be limited by the steps, dare I say obstacles, between you and your desired outcome.

So many times I talk with business owners and leaders in my private coaching practice that are limiting themselves, their company and ultimately their success because they can’t focus on the outcome. Instead, they are allowing their vision to become blinded by the things they see as obstacles instead of stepping stones.

When you begin to focus on the outcome rather than the steps, the size and quantity of the steps begin to shrink. Instead of huge boulders blocking your road, they become gravel paving it! Stop focusing on the rocks, start focusing on the prize, and enjoy the journey!