The Monday Memo: How to Change Other People

Have you ever known someone who, when you look at the work they do or how they live, makes you thing, “Man, they could do or be so much more if they would only… (fill in your favorite fix-it message here)!” Maybe it is a team member at the office, a friend, a child or niece or nephew…it’s frustrating isn’t it, to see their potential and how they are allowing it to wither and die. Or maybe it’s worse than that, they have the talent but they are misdirecting it into “less desirable” pursuits!

As a business coach I’ve had the great fortune to be around many business owners, leaders, founders and entrepreneurs with great ideas and potential that never made it. For one of many reasons their idea was not able to overpower the most limiting Critical Performance Attribute of their business.

See, in spite of the title of this post, the truth is that we…YOU…cannot change another person. You can ask, you can lead, you can influence, you can guilt, and you can pressure…but at the end of the day the decision to change is up to them, not your.

In 2018 my son passed away. He was a few weeks shy of his 30th birthday when his lifestyle choices finally took their toll. In spite of our consistent prodding and pleading to make a change, he refused. For the last few years of his life my greatest worry was not that he would die, I believe I’d already come to terms with that. My greatest fear is that something would happen, he would die alone, and no one would know. His life did not end that way, in fact it ended surrounded by those that loved him most, and for that I’m thankful.

In all my searching for some kind of rationale in the story of his life, I came across this quote from Ghandi, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Typically you see this quote applied in the macro sense…changing the world…and there is definitely an application there, especially in today’s environment of social discord. But it also applies in the micro.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Mahatma Gandhi

We all live in our own little world, worlds that overlap with others. And it is at those intersections that we can make a difference. Hopefully, I can make a positive impact from time to time on the place where your world and mine intersect.

When you see that under-performing individual…the one with so much more potential than they are demonstrating… when you catch yourself wishing they would “step up,” instead ask yourself what YOU need to do to step up. Show them what it means to step up. Ask them to step up with you, and when they ask why, tell them it’s how you get ahead in life!

Whether they choose to step up with you or not isn’t up to you, but either way, you’ll be ahead…and that makes YOU a leader!


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Every Monday morning Thom issues a challenge to help you grow and improve at your business and your life.

Will you accept the challenge? 

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Will you choose to succeed?

Are you making the choice to win today…or just gonna sit back and let whatever happens…happen?

Just like our quote on Monday from MJ, you have to expect to win. Sounds a little like hubris or arrogance, right? But here’s the thing, if you don’t expect to win, then what are your expectations? That you’ll stumble into a happy little accident?

Now I know many people believe that they are not in control of their day, of their outcomes, and consequently their life. What do YOU believe?

The reality is that while we may have limited control over the circumstances presented to us each day (maybe), you do have 100% control over how you CHOOSE to respond to them.

And as our quote of the day from Tony Robbins points out, “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” Every choice you make, everyone, write one letter in the story of your life. Make sure you are writing the story you want to read!

Have a great Friday, rest & rejuvenate over the weekend and I’ll be back on Monday with more!

I Know Why You Haven’t Started Yet!

Yep, that’s right… I know why you haven’t started yet…and so do you!

You’ve convinced yourself that you’re doing the “responsible” thing by studying, gathering more information, and making sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed. Oh, and you just found another book or YouTube video about it that you need to read, then watch, then study the differences to figure out … I can’t even finish typing that sentence!

The reality is you’re afraid, but not afraid of failure. No, we all fail, every day. Sometimes in big, spectacular way but more often in small almost insignificant ways that have a funny way of training us!

No, you’re not afraid of failure… you’re afraid of the perceived ego shot that would go along with failure! PRIDE is keeping you from stepping out and playing your role in the universe! PRIDE!

“But Thom, you don’t understand…I have a lot to lose if I get this wrong.” I’m sure you do! In fact, that’s EXACTLY WHY you NEED to step out. Do it! Don’t jump in the baby end of the pool, hit that deep water that will challenge you. (Because it’s that challenge that makes the whole thing worth it…but that’s for another day!)

Stop letting your pride deprive the rest of us of the art your unique set of talents and gifts are intended to create! Your being selfish…stop it! Stop asking “What else do I need?” and start asking “What if I did!”

When you’re ready to get off the bench and make great things happen, DM me. I will help!

PS – Today’s quote comes to us from none other than THE @JockoWillink, “Stop researching every aspect of it and reading all about it and debating the pros and cons of it…Start doing it”

But What If You Could?

But what if you could?

Those are magical words…no matter what the obstacle, constraint, or impediment, those five magic words just sweep all that aside and give your mind the room and freedom it craves to imagine the possibilities!

Want to start your own business…but what if you could?

Want to create a non-profit to help communities in need…but what if you could?

Want to quit your job and live on a sandy beach somewhere…but what if you could?

What’s your “impossible dream”? Share it in the comments! I’d love to hear what you’re dreaming about doing…if you could!

Why Is This So Hard?

Have you ever caught yourself asking why things are so hard? Why can’t just one thing in your life be easy? What if it’s just perspective?

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.”

Jim Rohn

Whether your thing is baseball, video games, or cooking, there’s been a time when you really wanted to accomplish something big but the obstacles were just too great. Like learning to ride your bike. You master the tricycle then all of a sudden this “big kid” bike only has two wheels. When you look at it like that, it’s a hard thing to master…but bicycle racers have done it.

See, the reality is that you can learn to do just about anything and that learning is made easier by your perspective, your mindset! If you think it will be difficult bordering on the impossible, then it will be. If you think it will be easy after a little practice, again, it will be. It’s all in how you look at it.

So when you face a challenge, something that makes you think about quitting, before you declare the task impossible, check yourself. Ask what you can learn or practice more to become good enough to achieve the impossible!

Everything IS Possible!

You believe that your options are limited. Maybe you believe that the only choice you have is the one that’s already been made for you. You are wrong!

“Everything you can imagine is real.”

Pablo Picasso

The reality is that anything you can conceive with your mind, you can make a reality in your life…you just have to change the constraints! Want to fly private on your next vacation but can’t afford your own jet? No problem, rent one…take a dead-leg…

MAKE THE CHOICE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Choosing and then focusing on the outcome is the key. If this seems unrealistic to you, it’s because you are allowing yourself to be limited by the steps, dare I say obstacles, between you and your desired outcome.

So many times I talk with business owners and leaders in my private coaching practice that are limiting themselves, their company and ultimately their success because they can’t focus on the outcome. Instead, they are allowing their vision to become blinded by the things they see as obstacles instead of stepping stones.

When you begin to focus on the outcome rather than the steps, the size and quantity of the steps begin to shrink. Instead of huge boulders blocking your road, they become gravel paving it! Stop focusing on the rocks, start focusing on the prize, and enjoy the journey!